70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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