so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
