Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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