How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize