i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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