Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
