is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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