so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
