It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
