now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
