I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I had to cum in my sink.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
