Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize