another moral hangover. fuck.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
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ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
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The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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