who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
