Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
