She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
