Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
