here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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