you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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