I'm jealous of your bromance
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
