I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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