we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
