i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
