There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
