If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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