life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
