i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
