We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
