Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
