what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
