I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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