Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
