Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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