He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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