Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
