Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
