Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
