So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
