i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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