Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
