I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
