your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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