the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
