Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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