The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
