I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
