Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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