apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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