You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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