I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
this will be a night to untag.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
and you fell through a lawn chair
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
