actually, I'm a sock model
from now on my penis is your penis
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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