dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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