I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
