He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
