So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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