I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
