11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
