pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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