I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
