I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
