Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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