I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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