you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
