Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
