stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
