I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
