i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
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Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
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I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.