Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
foreskin is a definite game changer
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD