Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.