Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
