why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
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you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
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I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.