somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
