My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.