Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo