im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I seem to have left my pride at pride
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
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you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
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Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING