he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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