Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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