On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Found the puke drawer
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
