Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
